nanaosaki

After a really rough 6 months in Germany trying to finish the last semester of foundation I finally reached Oman to spend the holidays for 2 months. In them I have written the total of 11 Finals, and one final for speaking. I have gone through 3 phases of examination in 6 months, these were the worst days of my life, they were busy, full of hard work and dedication. I have cried so much during them and have lost hope on my future, I have developed depression, my face turned worse, my hair started to fall, my weight hasn’t changed and my emotional status wasn’t stable.

I have spent 3 semesters on my foundation, and I haven’t gone through such hard times in my whole life, I counted days until I finish the last finals, days until my marks, and days until I reach Oman. The amount of emotions and happiness that I had after learning that I scored a 1 in my Literature exam and receiving my certificate was indescribable,  I told myself it can’t get any worse.

I am currently in my hometown, still under pressure, even though I’m between my family, I have forgotten how it felt like to be home, to fight with the siblings, to do housework for a big house and 6 people, to try to hold tears and be a tough yet loving older sister. I can hold this until a certain time though, and I am scared of when that time will come.

I will be leaving in a month and 5 days, to go back to my old routine, this time waiting for the university to open its doors, I decided to spend that time doing things that I like, learn swimming, go to the Opera, visit other countries, still attend my guitar lessons, go back home for 2 weeks or so, I said it can’t get any worse, but I have a feeling it might.

The worst thing in life is to know you might not be good enough, to not have your future planned for you, to always be in constant fear of the unknown, this little self esteem that I have in my skills and powers shall not fade away, If others did it, I can do it too…

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