, , , ,

I rented the apartment above your flower shop and every morning when I opened my window I would see you greeting the roses with your thick palms to get them ready for a new day, you and I were to be the first to wake up in this town, you and I never did exchange looks because I always turned back whenever you gazed towards my window and convinced myself that as long as I can smell your flowers I would have a delightful morning




According to your brother
I am a closed, lost case
But I’m not always miserable, I just
try to shut my heart when I’m upset and
close my eyes as well

I wonder if your angels have been the ones dropping me over,
and over again
what if your god isn’t watching over me anymore

Remember when we left our despair
underneath that grey sky of December
I have a bad memory, I think I also left my joy there

Sometimes I wonder if you even fear anything





, , , ,

i. We met on a sunny summer day,
with sweat on both our foreheads, out of breath

you were messy curls of autumn leaves
waiting impatient for the traffic lights to switch green

for you to go on with your morning run

ii. in fall we met again

beside a small coffee stand

you grabbed your Decaf and kept on going

while I fixed my eyes on your curls

iii. that winter we were introduced to each other

I shook hands with yours, planted a friendly kiss afterwards

as I smelled your divine scent,

we exchanged numbers

a sense of satisfaction

iv. last spring you showed me your man

I shook hands with him, gave a friendly smile

followed the patterns of his fingers upon your back

a memory from 3 months ago

v. during summer, later on

I saw you again

hair dark brown, eyes still steely

you smiled at me, right before we cross the road, grabbed my hands and said

that you no longer know what it means to be alive

vi. I think you lost yourself

when you lost that fire in your hair




My mother always told me

” Never marry a man who lives to read,

he has a world of his own, disconnected off yours”

My husband would use your words, mother,

to tell my son

“Never marry a woman who lives to read,

she has a world of her own, disconnected off yours”


Our choices


, , ,

we spend too much time focusing

weeping, blaming our bad days and moments

forgetting that that is only the half that completes the other half

the happiness, the smiles and love

we tend to see only the darkest moments

pushing away the happy ones

to end up only believing that our life is a hallow of sadness 

but to every half is another,

and to every bad 24 hours 

there is another 24 that is only a good reflection of the sorrow



( We need to forget that our life is all unfortunate times, we should remember the good ones as well. The melancholy is indeed the queen of all emotions)



Saturday 5:45 am

My face was pressed against his chest, the rain drops have stopped ticking on my window and the sun has already sent its rays of light into the dirty room. This was the first morning of August and I knew that the days are slowly taking a turn to the coldest, the vivid scent of his breath got me to shake myself up and off the bed.

I shifted to the side of the kitchen counter, preparing my morning tea only to be stopped by the noxious smell coming from the trashcan. I haven’t taken this out when I should, I thought, letting a sigh out I grabbed it and proceeded to go down the stairs and threw it away from hoping that it would land where it should go without me having to recollect it again. I stopped for a cigarette before returning to my apartment, the toxic substance travelled its way through my lungs.

Drops had started ticking in again, now the aroma was one of soap and shampoo, he walked out of the bedroom tying his buttons, trying to get a hold of his socks and shoes that were both lost within last night’s show. I blinked to his sight and continued watching the news that now switched to the weather forecast.

” Did you see my watch? ”

” It was on the cupboard ”

Racing the clock, he stole a quick kiss before finally leaving

“Call me”

A lock of the door, the apartment once again silent, the garbage, soap and shampoo have now all gone away, my head lay down on the sofa, this time he hasn’t forgotten his wedding ring, just as I haven’t forgotten my status.


#2 Kendo


In day two of Kendo I learned:

1- Leaving the house an hour and 10 minutes earlier is too much

2- The guy who I thought was an instructor is actually only been learning since 5 months

3- I should always bow to the dojo before entering and after

4- I am good now at screaming and hand motion, still need to work on my leg

5- our small group of English speakers is a nice group

6- I have found something that I want to be doing forever

#1 Kendo


In day number one I learned:

1- It’s always good to visit the unknown place days before the actual event

2- leaving the house 40 minutes earlier isn’t exactly right

3- my anxiety has slowly started fading away once I am put into reality

4- I can run

5- I should never put my shinai on the floor while I am standing. Shinai is to always be held on the left side, no matter what arm you use normally

6- always bring something to tie your toes with, in order to avoid blisters

Today I kill you, my dearest


, , , , ,

Did I awaken you?

did I ruin your calming mid night sleep, or interrupt your beautiful dream?

are you angry at me? are you scared yet?

(2:34 am)

I am,

sick, and tired, of being the bottle that you sip from whenever you are exhausted to solve your own problems

the bottle that always gets thrown away and turn into shattered glass that can never be made back again

I have been mislead into thinking you were my very own tourniquet

that you could have took me calmly and showed me what love is

(every single day)

but darling, you and I were both wrong

I thought that you were a salvation

while you thought I was an angel

(2:40 am)